The best one liners

Did you hear about how quick the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
-He’s all right now.

Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?
-He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
-A nervous wreck.

What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
-Anyone can roast beef but no one can pea soup

Where do you find a no legged dog?
-Right where you left him.

What’s the definition of mixed emotions?
-When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

What’s the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche?
-The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

Did you hear about the blind man who went bungee jumping?
-He loved it, but it scared the hell out of his dog.

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