Tag Archives: redneck jokes

You might be a redneck if…

More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You’ve ever lost a loved one to kudzu.

Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.

Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

You’ve ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.

Your home has more miles on it than your car.

Redneck letter

dear son, im writing this slow because i know you cant read fast. we dont live where we did when you left home.your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. i wont be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldnt have to change their address. this place is really nice. it even has a washing machine. im not sure about it. i put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. we havent seen them since. the weather isnt bad here. it only rained twice last week. the first time for three days and the second time for four days. auntie maude has sent you a pair of socks she knit, she put a third one in because she heard you have grown another foot since she last saw you. about that coat you wanted me to send your uncle billy said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. jimmy locked his keys in the car yesterday. we where really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out. three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. butch was driving. he rolled down the window and swam to safety. your other two friends were in the back. they drowned because they couldnt get the tailgate down. there isnt much more news at the time. nothing much out of the normal has happened. your favorite aunt, mom