I said to my doctor “i’ve badly bruised my penis in a surfing accident”. He said “did you fall off your board?” I said “no, I had to shut my laptop quickly”
A cucumber, an olive and a penis are talking.
The cucumber says “I hate my life, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me in salad.”
The olive says “That’s nothing, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me on pizza.”
The penis says “You think you have it bad, when I get big fat and juicy they put me in a bag, throw me in a cave, shut the door and leave me there till I throw up”
A guy was sleeping naked on the beach covering his manhood with a book and a little girl comes along and asks him whats under the book. He says its a BIRD and goes to sleep. He gets up to find himself in the hospital not feeling his lower parts. The doctor calls the girl who was present at the time when the ambulance picked the man, so the doctor asks the girl what happened to the man and she says that… “i was playing with the bird until it SPAT on me, so i got angry and i BROKE its NECK, CRUSHED the EGGS and BURNT the NEST