I was taking my dog a walk along the river bank this morning when I heard a lot of splashing and a desperate cry for help. I ran towards the sound and there before me in the river was David Cameron. He was obviously struggling and with his clothes sodden it looked certain that he would drown. Now im no lover of the tories, either red or blue, but I knew that it was my duty to help the man despite the damage hes done to our country. Reluctantly I did the right thing and contacted the emergency services. Its now 4pm and still no help has arrived. Im beginning to think that ive wasted a stamp.