Santa to his Elf: I’m getting sick of this. Every year I have to put on this Red outfit, do all the work myself, looking like a right twat and I end up with nothing.
Elf to Santa: now you know how Steven Gerrard feels!!

Cant believe my Mrs. I just went for a piss in the kitchen sink and the dishes are still there from last nights tea..
The dirty bitch..!!!!!

A gypsy family goes to the mall. They have no idea of the city. The father sees an elevator. He and his family are fascinated, so they watch as an old lady goes up to the elevator,, pushes the button and walks inside. Thirty seconds later, a young beautiful blond lady comes out. The father says, “I’m going back home and getting Grandma.”

Paddy Bursts into the Benefit office. “I’ve been ringing 0800 1730 for two fucking days! Why don’t you answer your bastard phone?!!”
Girl replies “those are our opening times sir!”

Isn’t it strange how hot sexy woman always drive cute little cars? Which reminds me, the MOT’s due on my wifes transit van.

Paddy is on his final question for a million pound with Chris Tarrent, he has only one life line left….Phone a friend. Paddy calls murphy with the question “Which bird does not make a nest?

A. Sparrow
B. Swallow
C. Blackbird
D. Cuckoo

Murphy answers “Be Jesus its a Cuckoo 100%” and Paddy wins a the million pound!

Afterwards Paddy rings Murphy and says “How the fook did you know that Murph?”

Murphy says “Well Paddy yer thick bastard..it lives in a fooking clock!”

I was just walking down the street and someone threw a block of cheese at me. I thought “that’s not very mature now is it”

This is brilliant first time I saw this video I thought Dogs cannot talk lol well you will be surprised when you listern to this nice looking dog! Check it out and don’t forget to share it with your friends!!!